Grandparents Visit

In the two and half years we've lived in Jakarta (yes, it has been that long), we've had our share of visitors.  We have the visits down to a science, now:  homemade Indonesian feast, restaurants, malls, Taman Safari.  So when my father and his wife visited 9 Oct through 13 Oct, we knew just what to do.

They arrived Sunday afternoon.  I picked them up at the airport and we made the fast, Sunday afternoon journey back to our house and enjoyed an Indonesian feast of lumpia, nasi goreng, and gado gado prepared by our maid.  Delicious as always.  When they started falling asleep on the couch watching after-dinner cartoons before the kids go to bed, we knew it would be an early night....and an earlier morning for them.  We wished them good night and I said I'd be up at 3 AM to watch the NFL the next morning, so I'd see them then....and I was right.

My daughter had the week off of school, but my son still had class Monday, Wednesday and Friday, as usual.  I am usually at work when he goes to school, so I accompanied the grandparents to drop him off.  We also planned to celebrate my son's birthday while the grandparents were visiting, so I spent the time between dropping him off and picking him assembling his birthday present - more train tracks for his train set and some new trains!  His train set now contains nearly 200 pieces.  It requires a vast open space, but he loves playing with it.

Since Halloween is not really celebrated outside the US, and even less so in Indonesia, we wanted to provide the Halloween experience for our kids.  Grandma waited in the guest room, and grandpa waited in the kitchen (both behind closed doors) and the kids ran back and forth between the two doors saying "Trick or Treat" and collecting candy.  All went well until Grandpa decided it would be fun to scare the kids.  My son's only two, grandpa!

Tuesday was the trip to Taman Safari.  This is always a fun yet exhausting day.  We've been so often we know where to buy the food, how much to buy, and what price to negotiate.  My favorite is still feeding the elephants watermelon.  Our guests typically like holding the animals best.  Our daughter is finally brave enough to hold them herself.  They also have several rides that the kids enjoyed....well, at least our son enjoyed the first lap.  When it started going around a second time, then a third, he didn't like it so much.  I think he thought he could never get off.  I'm sure that will change soon.

We'd never made it to the top of the zoo.  Typically, by the time we make it to the zoo, feed the animals, hold the animals, and do the rides and/or the walking zoo, we're exhausted.  We've not seen many of the shows and had never been to the top of the hill...who wants to walk that far?  Our driver convinced us to go to the top and see the waterfall, and we were not disappointed.  We'll add this to the list of "must see" when we go again.

Wednesday was another school day for our son and a trip to the mall for everyone else.  My father had not seen the modern, high-end malls in Jakarta on his last trip and was surprised at how much wealth exists here.  When there is a store in the mall selling Bentley's and Ferrari's, you know there is money somewhere.  We capped the day with dinner at Hacienda and card games at the house.

Thursday was a day to just hang around the house.  Swimming for most, sleeping for the ladies who felt sick.  It was also the day of departure.  So, at 7:30, we said our good-byes and sent the grandparents to the airport with a movie to watch on the way.

It was a great trip and far too short.  Probably the last visit they'll make since we'll be moving back in June.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just When I Thought There Were No More Stories To Tell

The month is two-thirds over and this is just my second post.  We had visitors all last week and I've been spending every available moment (riding in the car, after the kids are asleep, lunch hour) devouring the Game of Thrones books, as well as planning for our son's 2nd birthday and two Halloween parties, but I can't truly claim those as the reasons for my silence.  In fact, I'll have posts about those events soon - hopefully this weekend.

I haven't posted because we're in a routine.  A good routine.  And routine isn't exciting.  Until something disrupts it....like this week.  Here are four delightful insights into life in Jakarta:

1)  I owe what!?  My electric bill this month was the equivalent of $750 US.  My first reaction was "BullSh--".  No way.  Every month up to this point had been $200-$300.  I demanded an explanation from the electric company and from my landlord.  The landlord's person is coming tomorow, but I'm pretty sure I already have my answer.  The electric company informed us that they outsource the meter reading to another company.  That company did layoffs which included the person who reads my meter.  So they haven't read it.  They've been "estimating" for the last six months.  They finally read my meter.  Next month I apparently will owe nearly $1,500!  All because no one bothered to read my meter for six months and now they need to do a true-up. 

2)  What is my alternative?  When our guests were visiting, the toilet in the master bathroom began leaking water from beneath the floor when we flushed.  Never a good sign; especially when this is a repeat of something that happened a few months ago.  Called the landlord, who sent out a plumber.  He proceeds to disassemble the toilet, rip up the floor, and clean the pipe feeding....well, whatever it feeds.  Three days later, we're good to go.  Then I get an email from the landlord.  The plumber informed them that the pipe was clogged with toilet paper.  The landlord advised that we should not be flushing toilet paper down the toilet.

3)  This explains a lot.  A few weeks ago, when we returned from the US with our new son, we needed to complete the immigration paperwork for him.  Standard procedure we've done several times.  With the other two kids in school, we needed to find a time that was convenient.  Luckily, immigration opens at 9 AM.  Plenty of time to drop both kids off at school, travel to immigration, get the pictures taken and paperwork completed, and be back in time to pick up our two-year-old from his half-day pre-school.  That is, if they would actually take a 9 AM appointment.  We were dutifully informed that the earliest time we could schedule an appointment is at 10 AM because from 9 - 10 everyone in immigration likes to drink their coffee and read the paper.  At least they're honest.

4)  You mean, it isn't just the government?  We're having a Halloween party.  That means we need costumes.  Halloween is a very American holiday so I was surprised to find a costume store in Jakarta.  We took the forty minute car ride to the mall, found the store, selected the costume we wanted to try from the brochure and were told we had to wait.  Huh?  Everyone was eating lunch.  They would help us when they were done with their lunch.

5)  Shouldn't I get to decide that?  Tomorrow night my wife and I are going to the Latin Ball.  We had such a good time last year, we've been looking forward to this year's for several months.  I bought a fitted tuxedo, specially tailored for me, and my wife went in search of a fabulous dress.  That's right, my wife, less than three months removed from giving birth to our third child went out looking for a sexy dress.  Bold, brave....and a bit humbling.  She stopped in a store today, selected a dress, and brought it to the sales clerk and asked to try it on.  Sales clerk looked at her and said:  "No.  That dress is a medium.  You need an extra large.  It won't fit you.  You can't try it on."  Wow!  Amazingly, my wife not only didn't slap the woman, she laughed about it and left.  She did eventually find a dress somewhere else and I can't wait to see her in it.

Man I miss home.

Hash House Harriers

Two weeks ago, on a Sunday, we finally tried something we've been wanting to try for several months:  A Hash Run.  No, it has nothing to do with the hallucination inducing plant that has usurped the name.  From what I can gather, it's called a "hash" run because you are following a trail composed of hashes of paper through the jungle.  What is a paper hash?  Think "hanging chad".

The group gathered at the meeting spot, farm country in the Bogor area, at 10 AM Sunday morning.  Roughly thirty people, mostly kids under ten with their parents, headed off down a dirt trail that eventually disappeared into grassland and jungle.  Interspersed throughout were subsistence farmers.  Several large houses with no power or water, stood in the middle of the jungle near the farms.  There were no roads, so any transportation of crops must be by foot.

On our hike, we encountered interesting plants, some free-ranging cows, several farmers in their field, and even two interesting gentlemen walking through the jungle with AK47 rifles.  We gave them a wide berth.  We climbed up and down a few hills, crossed a marshland, and, deciding to take the "medium" route instead of the "short" route, even enjoyed a cool walk through the jungle.  We never got lost, but twice had to spend time looking for the next pile of hashes.

The 2 km hike required about an hour of our time because we stopped to pose for pictures, pick up walking sticks, and learn about the local flora.  The group meets the last Sunday of every month.  It will likely become a regular event for us.

A Little More to the Story

Enough people have asked me about the details of my surgery, and laughed as I relate the experience, that I've decided to share a little more here.  Don't worry, it doesn't get graphic.

Saturday morning my doctor required me to arrive at the hospital by 9 AM to check-in and prep for an 11 AM surgery.  I arrived on time, checked in at his office, and took all the referral documentation to the surgery center.  Third in line, two people on duty, so I wait and listen to an Australian couple who arrived after me, fourth in line, complain loudly about how ridiculously inefficient the hospital is and wondering aloud if they would arrive on time for their 10 AM surgery.  I kept thinking:  "Why didn't you arrive 2 hours early like I did?"

At 10 AM they called my name and brought me back to the surgery waiting room.  Five curtained beds, I'm the only one alone...and the only one who's curtain remained open while I waited.  I disrobe and put on the infamous hospital gown that is really not much more than an extra long pillow case with an opening specifically designed to give you a draft.  I lock my valuables in a safe in my locker and wait.  Around 10:30, a nurse brings me a pill and tells me it is to help me relax.

Five minutes before the 11 AM appointment, two nurses retrieve me from the waiting room and wheel me into the surgery theater.  The room is an ice box.  They transfer me from my waiting room bed to the surgery bed and within minutes my teeth are chattering and my body is convulsing with chills.  I'm sure they thought I was shaking from nerves.  Then I told them to touch my nose.  It was frozen.  They stack four blankets on top of me and tuck a hose blowing hot air in the middle.

Before I can warm up, the doctor arrives and exposes me from waist to knees.  Great.  I'm in a room that's ice cold, my body is still shivering and spasmodically thrashing on the table like a fish thrown in the sand, and I'm naked from waist to knees.  Ever seen the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry's girlfriend walks in on George after he was swimming in the cold ocean?

Yeah, the "Shrinkage" episode.

But I'm over that.  My doctor has seen it all.  I'm wondering if the NINE OTHER PEOPLE in the room are as experienced.  I swear they were giving me looks of pity, but I didn't dare challenge them.  I mean, I've got twenty pounds of blankets on my chest, my feet are dangling off an operating table that is too short for me, and a doctor is standing over my exposed parts with a needle he's about to stick in a very unpleasant location.  I figured it was not the best time to provoke them.

The doctor injects the anesthesia and starts poking me with a needle to see if it worked.  When I ask if that is supposed to feel like a knife stabbing me, he gives me another dosage.  By the time I'm feeling numb, I've finally warmed up and the pill has begun to take effect and I start to drift off.  I think falling asleep concerned them because they kept waking me up to see if I was okay.

"Just tired", I tell them, and they leave me alone.

Then it just gets weird.  Maybe this is protocol.  Maybe this is a doctor who has seen too many of his colleagues get sued when a couple has an unplanned pregnancy after the surgery.  Maybe my doctor was just weird.  In any event, when he finished cutting out the first section, he woke me up and showed it to me!  "See!  I cut this out of you!  See what it looks like!"

Thanks.  I was dreaming about fishing.  Can I go back to that now?  Though after seeing a two centimeter section of my vas deferens I may have dreams of something other than fish.  Maybe the worm.

Thirty minutes later I'm woken again so he can show me the other side is removed and tell me they are going to stitch me up now.  Wake me when it's over.  They do, and I transfer back to my waiting room bed and they roll me back to rest and recover.

I sleep for about an hour and they bring me some food.  I'm famished.  I slept too late for breakfast so I only had a banana from the fruit bowl in the room.  My lunch is an Asian-portion sized ham sandwich.  In America we call it "finger food".  About an hour later, six hours after arriving at the hospital, I'm given the all clear to leave and return in the morning to make sure I'm not swollen to the size of tennis balls (his term, not mine).

I sleep the rest of the day and into the late morning, waking only long enough to have a hearty, protein filled dinner....with American sized portions of creamed spinach, rib eye steak and broccoli.

The next morning, I go for my checkup.  Everything looks fine and the doctor leaves me in the room with the nurse.  She has me drop my pants, lay back on the table, and proceeds to explain the proper cleaning care after my surgery.  I had two thoughts:  First, this is NOTHING like that "naughty nurses" movie I saw with my friends in High School.  Second, Thank God it isn't!  I had visions of stitches flying around the room as if shot from a cannon and myself falling on the floor in pain and embarrassment.  Like a character from a Ben Stiller movie.

I thank them for not having cold hands, leave the office, and catch my flight back to Jakarta.  That evening, we attended a "P" party; everyone had to dress as something that started with a "P".  Our original plan was to go as Polygamists, but my situation required me to wear comfortable clothing and I instead went as a Physical Education teacher so I could wear loose pants.

All said and done, it wasn't that big a deal.  I try not to say that too loudly because the wives of my friends are already using me as an example with their husbands.  Seems I've started a trend.

I always wanted to be a trendsetter.

What's a Father to Do?

I'm not a feminist.  Far from it.  I'm more likely to file a petition to cancel Title IX or picket the offices of the NOW than I am to lend my voice to support them.  However, I'm also the son, brother, cousin, nephew, grandson, colleague, and friend of remarkable women who make tremendous contributions to their craft, their families, and their communities.  I can't imagine what a world would be like if they did not have their opportunities to shine.

And that's one of the things that makes life here a challenge.  Women are second class citizens, and my daughter sees it. Now, I won't lie and say that, as a man, being in a patriarchal society doesn't have its advantages.  It does.  But I also have concerns.  To wit:

1)  After our first year, when we were discussing school with our daughter, we said she would attend elementary school, then middle school, then high school, then college and then she'd find a job.  She replied:  "Women don't work!"  We laughed and said "from the mouths of babes", but also took note.  Both in Arizona and in Jakarta, all of her friends had stay-at-home moms.  Nothing wrong with that, obviously, because we've chosen to do that.  But it was an interesting perspective.

2)  Last week, my daughter started taking the bus to school.  I told her to enjoy it while she could because when we return to Arizona, she'll be walking to school.  She replied:  "I don't have to go to school in Arizona."  I said:  "It's the law.  If I don't send you to school, they come and throw me in jail.  And if I am not going to work because I'm in jail, who will earn money so we can eat?"  Her reply?  "When I'm old enough, my husband will work and he can pay!"  I'd like to blame the Disney Princesses, but it's not them.  It's what she sees.

So, what's a father to do?  In a world where all my daughter sees are women who are stay-at-home moms, nannies, maids, or teachers, how can I convince her she has other options for which she must prepare?

Family Is Complete

Before our latest addition joined us in July, my wife and I had already decided he would be our last child.  The only question remaining was how to guarantee he would be our last.  After studying the long- and short-term effects of the various contraception options (pill, IUD, tubular ligation, prophylactics, vasectomy, etc), we determined the vasectomy was the best option.  No issues with hormone changes, reversible, no ongoing expenses, etc.

I was supposed to complete the procedure in July during my paternity leave.  The doctor advised us to wait until after our son was born to confirm no complications and that our minds would not change.  Our son is healthy, we haven't changed our mind, so I'm in Singapore and, after this morning's procedure, I can say our family is now complete.

I didn't record the surgery and I'll spare everyone a "verbal video" and just say:  "OUCH!"  Honestly, it wasn't that bad (other than the initial shot delivering the local anesthesia - which, after the first didn't work I made him do again) and I'm not even on pain medication.  Although, for some reason I'm no longer able to think clearly, as if the procedure disconnected my brain or something......

The more interesting part of my trip is what happened at the hotel.  We so enjoy the Shangri-La Hotel that we joined their Golden Circle Club after our last trip to Singapore.  When I arrived, even though I had booked a Deluxe room in one of their towers, they had upgraded me to a suite!  I think it may be because we've booked a suite each of the last two months - once in Jakarta, once in Singapore.  So, instead of recuperating in a simple room, I'm in a room with two bathrooms, two TV's, a dining room, a living room, a sitting room, and a balcony that overlooks the pool.  Overkill, to say the least, and something I would better enjoy if I was on a romantic getaway with the wife, not surgery.

I have one final post-operative examination tomorrow before I get back on a plane to return to Jakarta.  We have a birthday party to attend tomorrow night and I hope I'm up for it!

It Isn't Worth The Hassle

Spoiled.  Privileged.  Lucky.  Plush.  Opulent.  Our friends and family in the U.S. have used each of these words to describe our domestic staff situation, and understandably so.  It is uncommon in the Western world to have a maid and a nanny with the frequency with which we have them here.  Having lived both ways, I prefer not having them.
After our most recent nanny challenges, we've decided to, at least for now, pare down our staff to one maid and one nanny.  Having more help just isn't worth the hassle.  After our last nanny quit, we initially hired the wife of my driver, on a two week trial (for her and for us), but she lasted less than a week.  The childcare for her children fell through so she could no longer work for us.  A week later she tries to return and dictate her schedule and her salary - I told her we'd pass.

I then had the bright idea that I would take a portion of the salary we were paying our second nanny, and share with the maid and nanny we were keeping, and ask them to make minor modifications to their hours.  I was trying to accomplish two objectives:  early morning help readying the kids for school, and an end to paying overtime.  By adjusting hours and increasing salary accordingly, I believed I was being fair.

Our staff took it as an opportunity to renegotiate.  Every other Saturday off.  An additional premium for coming in at 6 AM instead of 7 AM.  I understand the right to negotiate with your employer - I've done it myself.  But when I'm already paying my staff more than other expats, and we expect less of them than other families because we don't like having them in the first place, I was very turned off by the whole process and really just want to fire everyone and start over.

In the end, we settled for just leaving things as they are.  They get no more pay, we'll continue managing mornings on our own and remembering to have cash to pay for overtime.

For those of you thinking:  "Why not just get rid of the help?"  Two reasons:

1)  We hired a maid because we were told we had to or people would rob us.  If we don't hire local help, locals think we're being greedy and not sharing our good fortune.
2)  We hired a nanny because we discovered very quickly a "playdate" was nannies getting together with the kids, not mommies.  My wife felt awkward (and rightfully so) being the only mom at a playdate full of nannies.

So, now we have undesired drama thrust into our lives.

How would you handle it?