Christmas Limericks and Scary Bedtime Rhymes

Adaptations. Parodies. Liberal poetic borrowing. Call it what you will, I call it fun!

I remember in the fifth grade, we had an assignment to write a Halloween limerick. I had a book with a limerick that read:

"There once was a monkey named Mast,
Who was so terribly fast
One day he grew sick
And being so quick
In less than a day, he passed."

I didn't have the patience, interest, or creativity to come up with my own at the age of 10, so I borrowed from it...heavily. Mine was:

"There once was a witch named Mast,
Who was so terribly fast
One day she grew ill
And took the wrong pill
And in less than a day, she passed."

I got an "A". After receiving my grade, I brought in the book so my teacher could read it to the class. When she read the poem about poor monkey Mast, she knew. I knew she would know. She didn't change my grade.

By the sixth grade, I was a big fan of Weird Al Yankovich. His "Eat it" mockery of Michael Jackson's "Beat It", inspired me to write my own - "Diet":

"You better run you better exercise now
'Cause you and your family, are looking like cows
And ever since your birth you been eatin' like a sow
So Diet Just Diet

Diet, Diet, Diet, Diet
Put down the fork, just try it"

Last week, my wife and I were discussing how my daughter continues to get bug bites while she sleeps. The mosquito netting we bought didn't help. They appear to be spider bites. That inspired this little ditty:

"The itsy, bitsy spider climbs up your leg at night
Out comes it fangs and leaves a nasty bite
When you cry out, it's sure to run away
But the itsy, bitsy spider will return again some day"

What if all nursery rhymes were that scary?

"Hush little baby, don't make a sound
I think the big monster is coming around
And if that monster finds you awake
He'll puncture your heart with an oily stake"

"Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
Hoping to find some steak

When she arrived
All she found inside
Was a large, venomous snake!"

Maybe those were the nursery rhymes Stephen King heard as a child?

On the lighter side, I leave you with two limericks, one my classmate Jon wrote for our Halloween limerick assignment, the other I created tonight:

"There once was a monster named Harry
Who was big, fat, ugly and scary
He lived in a cave
Never bothered to shave
But always seemed happy and merry!"

"Santa arrives saying 'Ho Ho Ho'
The reindeer have his sleigh in tow
He'll leave you a gift
Then, really swift,
He'll be gone before you know!"

Merry Christmas!!