Too Funny for Words

Some things just don't need an introduction.

Year End Recital

This Friday was a holiday in Indonesia:  Waiki, the Buddhist New Year.  The shortened work week became quite a long week for me.

This week, we completed the cutover to an outsource provider in India for a major portion of MIS and other administrative functions.  My team will be building the system that we will eventually use in the combined organization to manage support requests.  To close out on the system design, we had a meeting on my Wednesday night that did not end until after 11 PM.  I didn't fall asleep until 1 AM.

Thursday morning I had a tennis lesson at 6 AM. Normally, that's when I start work. This week, however, my daughter had her year end recital in the morning. That started at 8:30, so I squeezed in a tennis lesson. As expected, my daughter made us very proud parents with six different performances that required four costume changes, learning the songs and choreography, and even playing a musical instrument for two of the songs. The video below is a portion of her performing in the Spanish-themed flamenco routine. I'll put together a DVD of her entire performance, for anyone who is interested...let me rephrase, since this is the Internet - anyone whom I know personally that wants a DVD can get one.

After the show, we all went to lunch to celebrate and then I went to work.  After work, I joined up with the group that plays rugby on Thursday nights.  We normally share a field with another group that plays Gaelic football.  They didn't have enough for their game, we didn't have enough for ours, so we combined the groups and played an hour of each.  I think I prefer Gaelic football.  The game is a much better fit for my "always move forward" instincts.

Friday was my day off from work and I slept in as best I could with two young children.  In the afternoon, we took a brief shopping trip to Jalan Surabaya, the antique shops where I learned the hard way about buying things with which you are not familiar a few years ago.  I did a much better job bargaining this time, only buying items with which I had a familiarity.  We added to our growing collection of uniquely Indonesian artwork.

The above items join this artwork we already owned:

Saturday we kept to our tradition of taking the kids somewhere fun and made a return visit to Lollipops, where my daughter did the bungee trampoline and zip line.  Many of you commented that she is fearless.  That's because I only show you the pictures of her when she isn't scared. I have others where her confidence is not so high (meaning, it's the first time she's doing it).

Today (Sunday), we're having some friends and their kids over for a visit to use the pool and socialize.  Our maid will make a traditional Indonesian meal of Gado Gado, Nasi Goreng and Lumpai.

Six more days until we leave for our European vacation!

The get up and go, got up and went

I finally made it to Rugby this past week. For my first time ever playing the game, I think I did pretty well. The most difficult part for me was learning that you always go backwards, unless you have the ball. That's a very different mindset from American football. On defense, you have to be five meters back. On offense, the ball can only be thrown backwards. Took me a while to get used to. I still don't have the offense down.

For me, speed was always my claim to fame. I've always been faster than the average, and could usually run away or run people down. I even caught my dog running away from me at full speed. That, however, was thirty pounds ago. I'm now slower than the average, which has also required an adjustment.

My final observation from my first Rugby experience is that there is nothing like sports. I'm in the gym 30-60 minutes 5 days a week. I run on the treadmill at a eight-minute mile pace (12 km). I have a rigorous tennis lesson for an hour every Saturday AM. None of that prevented me from being sore Friday morning (and still sore on Sunday) after playing Rugby for 2 hours Thursday night.

On Saturday, we finally made it to the Botanical Gardens in Bogor. The drive from Jakarta is a short one hour and it is definitely worth the trip. The gardens themselves are on the ground of a palatial estate in the mountains of Bogor. You can see one of the island's many volcanoes in the background. Bogor boasts botanical gifts from nations around the world - Mexico, Australia, South Africa - and, of course, some local favorites.

We spent a few hours walking through the park, eating a picnic lunch, and touring the zoological museum consisting mostly of stuffed local animals. We brought our daughter's trike so she could ride along the paths when she tired of walking. The biggest challenge we faced was the heat. We needed to consume plenty of water to replace the fluid lost through sweat.

Bogor is one of the most electrically active locations in the world - 360 days of lightning each year - and someone died a few months back at the botanical gardens by standing under a tree during a storm, so we left as the storm clouds rolled in.

Finally, the first laugh

The message has begun....

In March, I made two simple requests of everyone who reads this blog. One of those was: vote out the incumbents. As the primary season has shown us, all of you have listened (all 15 of you), and told your friends. They then told their friends. The result, is incumbents are losing.

But don't stop, we've just begun. We still have 96 senators and 435 US Representatives to take care of.

Now, if I can just convince everyone we need to protect the Henrys.

A slow week

This week seemed much slower than others.  Thursday was a national holiday (Ascension of Christ), and the rest of the week was very uneventful.  The rain season ended last month, but we've had more rain this week than any other week since we've lived here.  On Friday, the rain was so bad that my drive home required two detours to avoid flooding.  For those of you who have been to our house, the grocery store was flooded, as was the security gates.  They were not letting residents go to the apartments because the elevators were under water.

With the holiday on Thursday, my wife and I took the opportunity to go club hopping in Kemang.  While we had fun, either Wednesday night, even a Wednesday before a holiday, is just not the time to go, or nothing happens until really late.  The first club we went to was Cafe Amor.  We were the only guests at 10 PM and finally left about 10:45.  We then went to the "Green Room", and found it, too, empty.  So, we walked up the street to NuChina who was hosting an FHM Models night.  We stayed there until midnight and it never really became crowded, nor did the models materialize.  Our last stop was at the Elbow Room.  We ate there on our wedding anniversary.  It was crowded and had a nice live band upstairs.  We stayed there for an hour and finally called it a night.

Saturday we had plans to go to the Botanical Garden in Bogor, but both our kids came down with head colds, and our daughter woke with a fever, so we stayed home.  They are both feeling better now, however, on Sunday night.

I've been trying to get to join a rugby team for the last few weeks with no luck.  This Thursday, however, I think I'll finally make it out for my first ever rugby game.  My goal is to come away uninjured, able to walk at work the next day, and not embarrass myself on the field.  Getting a serious injury three weeks before our European vacation would not be a good thing.

A release

As many of you know, when I graduated from Arizona State in 1996, I founded a $500 scholarship in the Business Honors Program.  Over the years, I've modified the award process, found consistent donors and increased the award amount.  This year's award will be $5,000.

In recent years, I've begun holding fundraising parties to raise money for the scholarship, as well as give the award winners and other participants opportunities to meet some of my contacts.

We can now add a new website to the list of changes to the scholarship.  In its current form, it is merely a place to collect donations.  As I continue to grow the scholarship - and eventually complete my long-term goal of formalizing a non-profit foundation focused on providing educational opportunities - the site will grow.

For now, I'd like to introduce the Brian Etheridge Scholarship website.  To donate, simply click the "donate" button in the lower right of the screen.

Finally, I'd like to thank my friends at Business Partners 360 for volunteering their time and resources to the creation of this site.  This launch is only possible because of them.

What I learned last week

1) My house is haunted.  Wednesday was Cinco de Mayo, and our regular date night.  This made for the perfect opportunity (excuse?) to visit Hacienda.  Our nanny, as usual, stayed at the house and put the kids to bed.  When we returned, our nanny very excitedly told us of the strange happenings after we left.  She put our son to bed at his normal 7 PM bedtime.  At 8:30, he woke up screaming.  Not a casual wake up, but an abrupt screaming like something bit him or he was scared.  Our nanny informed us it must be a ghost.  Some of the maintenance crew had told her they see ghosts in the trees at night and she was convinced a ghost had scared our son.

The next night, I happened to give my son his bottle before putting him down for bed.  He didn't finish it.  When he woke at 8:00 PM screaming, I gave him the rest and he went back to sleep.  The haunted house sure sounds more fun though, huh?

2) Cat's don't use chopsticks.  A few weeks ago, I came back from the gym and walked into our dark garage and nearly fell down with fright.  Something rather large in the garage moved.  And it moved quickly and loudly.  I quickly turned on the light just in time to see a feral cat scoot out the open door.

On Saturday, when we all went for a walk, we noticed that the trash in the garage was knocked over again and there was a few pieces of meat from the prior night's dinner on the garage floor along with some  used chopsticks.  My wife announced the cat appears to have been eating from the trash again.  To this our daughter exclaimed:

"But cats don't use chopsticks".

3) The more I learn, the less I know.  A few weeks ago, after receiving my new car that comes with a DVD system, I started watching the Simpsons to and from work.  I've now completed watching the first six seasons - the only seasons I own.  So, I have returned to reading to and from work, as well as at lunch.  The more I read, the more I learn about psychology, mathematics, economics, the more I realize how narrow and shallow is my knowledge.

I truly understand how blissful ignorance can be.

(ADDED 11 May)
4) "Indonesian hand made" is redundant.  Some friends of ours wanted a small set of gymnastic bars in their backyard to use for exercise.  They created a design that allowed adjusting the height of the bar for the type of exercise they wanted to do, or whom would be exercising.  To visualize (since I did not think to take a picture), the design called for 4, 6"x6"x8' poles to be cemented to the ground, standing on end, forming three points of a square (two of the poles would form the only corner).  Every 8 inches or so, there would be a hole large enough to slip through a 3" metal pipe that would act as the chin-up or high bar for exercise.

They found someone who could achieve the design at a reasonable price.  Now, I know what you are thinking.  Dig four holes in the ground, measure and drill holes in the lumber, stand them up, pour cement, done in a few hours.  Had I done it myself, it probably would have taken a half day.  Well, in Indonesia, this was a 3-day effort.  Three, 12 hour days.  Why?  No power tools.  Each of the holes on the four 6"x6"x8' poles were chiseled.  First from one side, then from the other.  It took three full days of work to chisel all the holes.

The end result?  Looks pretty good.  The only problem - the holes are not aligned.  Not just from one pole to the next, but on a single pole, too, because the laborer chiselled from one side, then approximated where to start on the other side, and chiseled through hoping they would connect.  Of the 15 or so holes in each pole, they can only use about 3.

Embassies and Birthdays

In preparation for our June trip to Europe, I needed to add more Visa pages to my passport.  All the traveling back and forth to Singapore over the last year had used up all but two pages.  This meant a visit to yet another US Embassy to utilize consular services.

Using the US Embassy's Jakarta location's website, I booked the first appointment of the morning - 7:45 AM.  The website indicated I would be in and out in less than an hour.  With light traffic, we arrived at the embassy much earlier than I had intended - 7 AM.  The embassy had no place to park, so my driver dropped me at the concrete barriers in front of the entrance.  At that hour, there was already a long line of Indonesians waiting to obtain a travel visa or other foreign services. 

Knowing I had the first appointment, and not knowing the purpose for the line, I walked up to the security guard, showed him my appointment card, and was granted access to the Embassy grounds.  A short walk across the basketball court and I was at the entrance to the Embassy.  Here they told me it did not open until 7:30, and I would have to wait.

When they did open, an overzealous security guard asked all of us to queue against the wall.  He wanted this queue to be very efficient and I found myself wedged in a corner behind a cross, corpulent American and a hand sanitizer to my left.  If I was twenty pounds heavier, I would not have fit.

After clearing security, I walked to the consular services building and waited....and waited....and waited.  Punctuality is not a well known attribute of Indonesia.  Bad traffic means everyone is late for parties and appointments and reservations.  The shows at amusement parks start anywhere from 15-45 minutes after their advertised start time.  Even meetings at the office tend to start 5-10 minutes late.  Even though I had a 7:45 AM appointment, none of the windows even opened until 8:10.  The window I needed to use didn't open until closer to 8:30, which begs the question why they have a 7:45 AM appointment.

Once I provided my passport, they added the pages and had it back to me in less than 10 minutes.  My wife and daughter will need to go through this same exercise in the next few weeks.  We'll try to book them an afternoon appointment.

On Saturday, we had a birthday party to attend, so we did not have our typical family outing.  Instead, in the morning I went swimming with our daughter while my wife took our son to Gymboree.  In the afternoon, we went to the birthday party for our daughter's 3-year-old friend.

Birthday parties here are always interesting.  They are also much less stressful on the adults than they are in the states.  The party host hires entertainment.  In this case, Gymboree and a group that provided a big air-blown jumper with a slide.  These two groups are responsible for entertaining the kids.  The children arrive with both parents and nannies in tow.  The nannies are responsible for keeping an eye on the kids and making sure they are participating and/or behaving.  This affords the parents the opportunity to drink wine and beer and to socialize.

Birthday parties are also a United Nations affair.  This particular party was hosted by friends who hail from Ukraine (the wife) and Switzerland (the husband).  We met people who hailed from Spain, Germany, Alaska, Sweden, United Kingdom and Indonesia.  Conversations took place in German, Indonesian, Spanish and English.

These parties are always great opportunities to discuss the expat experience (we're always the newbies to expat living, but not always the newbies to Jakarta).  This is how we learn where to go in Jakarta, what doctors to see, and where to vacation.  We received some good advice on Barcelona and Paris from the woman we met from Spain who grew up in Madrid and lived in Paris for several years before moving to Jakarta.

When the entertainment is over, it's a mass exodus.  No one wants the responsibility for entertaining the kids!  So, we thanked our hosts and left with the masses.

Next week, we will return to our Saturday outings.  There is an interesting facility outside of Jakarta where we can fish and pick local fruit.  Should be interesting.

Indonesian Theological Lessons

Several times in the last month I've been confronted with issues of religion. From hearing of the difficulties we face when trying to obtain visas for some contractors from Israel, to the signing of Tim Tebow (whom I called out in a prior post) to my beloved Denver Broncos, I've witnessed several examples of how religion influences and affects our lives.

A book I am reading also contains frequent references to the ever changing relationships of Christianity, Judaism and Islam throughout history. While the book covers what to me is an interesting topic (how empiricists and statisticians using advanced statistical tools like Gaussian and Mandelbrothian models are really no more effective at predicting the "long tail" outliers than is astrology and other ancient predictive arts), the author's approach to describing and defending this hypothesis struggles to hold my attention, so my mind often wanders off on its own tangents...which explains why I'm still reading a 300 page book 3 weeks after I started it.

One such mental wandering was a reflection of the role religion plays in politics. Here are my reflections

1) Freedom OF religion, not FROM religion.

The first amendment of the constitution - arguably first because our founding fathers considered it most important - starts with: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof". In recent years, pressed by the ACLU and other organizations, courts have begun interpreting this to mean public institutions, like schools, cannot mention God, condone prayer, or other means of religious expression.

I am not a religious person yet I feel the courts have gone too far. If my time in Indonesia has taught me anything, the correct approach to this is to be inclusive, not exclusive. At the start of every major corporate function, we have employees lead us in prayers - one Muslim, one Christian. Indonesia celebrates the holidays of all the major religions.  With the exception of some extreme factions in Aceh, religious harmony is a cornerstone of Indonesian life.

In the US, we need to recognize that a principal or teacher who says a prayer with the class, or the school, is not a government entity imposing a religious belief. We can question the appropriateness of the timing, but not the legality of the act.  Furthermore, it is possible to sit quietly and think your own thoughts while someone else says a prayer - I've done this for decades, and even did it in elementary school. You can even silently say your own prayer, according to your own religious beliefs, if you would prefer.

Banning prayer in school effectively violates the first amendment, specifically the "free exercise" and "freedom of speech" elements.  The very same amendment opponents of prayer are ostensibly trying to protect.

2) Marriage is a religious institution.

Having a government definition of marriage is like having a government definition of God. For the federal government or any US state to specifically define a marriage as "one man, one woman" is a direct violation of the First Amendment. The government is establishing a religious doctrine - one that, historically, is uniquely Christian - as the law of the land.

Why?

I can think of a few reasons. First, obviously, is the religious influence. The Christian majority wants it defined this way because of the "sanctity of marriage" according to their dogma. Of course, this same group would allow divorce and not have jail time for adultery, so the rigidity of their religion is obviously circumstantial and selective at best, hypocritical at worst. Second, is political stability. History has shown that when men can marry multiple women, as was the case in Judaism until the Middle Ages and is still the case for Muslims, the wealthy men have multiple wives, and the poor men have no wives. This unequal distribution of marital bliss results in uprisings from the frustrated poor males who cannot contribute to the gene pool. Third, biological survival. Gender alike marriages cannot spawn offspring. It is a biological impossibility (IVF capabilities aside). The survival of mankind required men and women to pair up. Finally, is economics. Government has found a way to monetize this fundamental aspect of humanity. Tax incentives if you love the "government way". Tax penalties (estate taxes) if you love outside of the stipulated norms.  In Indonesia, when you register for family medical coverage, you can register up to four wives, and all respective children - if you are Muslim (other religions can only register one wife).

By defining marriage as "one man, one woman" are we not violating freedom of religion?

Ultimately, the government stance should be very simple: consenting adults can do what they want. Before you start ranting about this being the first step towards accepting pedophilia and bestiality, recall the key aspect of my statement: "consenting adults". Children and animals cannot consent.  I don't care if you want 10 wives and each of your wives has 10 other husbands and you all want to live in a huge, polyamorous compound in the Florida Keys, as long as everyone signs off on the adventure. I don't care if you believe Adam and Steve is more appropriate than Adam and Eve, so long as both parties consent. As long as you respect my right to live in the traditional "one man, one woman" marriage, I'll respect your right to other arrangements.

Anything otherwise is government mandated religious practice.

3) Faith is personal.

A priest, an imam and a rabbi all walk into a bar. Think they'll agree on anything?

Actually, quite a lot, at the macro level - a single deity, support for the less fortunate, a prescribed way of life. The wars and killing and hostility are over the details. Even within each faith, there is violent disagreement. The Muslims of Indonesia, at least those to whom I speak and those who write in the local press, very much disagree with the jihadists of the world.  In fact, they consider them terrorists and the Indonesian government executes them (sometimes in the act of apprehending them). Christian factions in Ireland still kill each other over whether or not man can talk to God on his own or must talk through a priest.  Considering the severity of internecine malevolence, the animosity towards external perspective should not be surprising.

Faith is personal. You can take two people from the same family, who attend the same church, and ask them the same question about faith, or a religious issue, and get two different answers. Ask two students at the same divinity school to interpret a passage of scripture and you'll get two answers. That's the way life works. All of us are the net sum of every experience we've ever had, every lesson we've ever learned, so we all interpret the same events, the same words in different ways. We filter everything through our own experiential prisms. It doesn't help that every religious book is written in a dialectal speech that would result in a sanitarium visit if anyone today spoke in a similar manner.

I advocate the approach of a friend of mine who currently resides in the Washington, D.C. area. I've known him for over a decade. We've worked together, played softball, tennis and poker together, gone to the gym together, and were in each other's weddings. It was not until I was in his wedding, six years after knowing him, that I realized how religious he was. To me, he was always the honest, dependable, highly respected friend. Not once did he talk about his religion or judge anyone based on his own beliefs. Yet in his personal life, his faith was his compass. All of the attributes I respected in him were the result of his faith, and I didn't know it.

That is the way to live.....just ask Ned Flanders.