In Alaska, where men outnumber women by 14%, they have a saying for women looking for love: "The odds are good....but the goods are odd." In college I learned that Salt Lake City, Utah and Las Vegas, Nevada, are at the opposite ends of the spectrum (first and worst) for several key health statistics - alcoholism, longevity, cancer incidence, nicotine use. Living in SE Asia, I've learned a saying about Jakarta and Singapore I find very appropriate: "In Jakarta, you can do anything you want, but nothing works. In Singapore, everything works, but you can't do anything."
From rolling blackouts, to pest extermination that seems to attract bugs more than it repels them. From sporadic internet access to doctors who know less about medicine than the average Westerner. It seems there is always something wrong in Indonesia. A few of the more annoying/humorous:
1) We can never buy new shoes. I read a human interest story a few years back about a high school kid who was so large there were no commercially available cleats for him. He was playing defensive lineman, and performing quite well, in traditional cross-trainers because not only could he not buy cleats in a store, no one would custom make shoes for him. At the time, I sympathized with him. Now I can empathize with him. Shoe stores in Jakarta never have my size! One time, I selected a shoe, asked for size 10 1/2 and the guy brought me back a size 8. Because surely, in the time between me asking for a 10 1/2 and the time he came back with a size 8, my toes fell off and I no longer needed the extra 2 inches. Last week, I wanted to buy new shoes for soccer. I selected 7 different styles to try on. They didn't have my size in any of them. And don't get me started on what they have available in jeans.
2) Restaurants run out of food. This has happened so many times you eventually get used to it. On one of my first trips to Jakarta, before we were even considering moving here, I ordered spaghetti at a restaurant. They brought the food for my friend before telling us they were out of what I had ordered. I thought that was odd. It doesn't come close to some of our experiences after moving here. Three weeks ago, I did not have a breakfast to bring to work. I tried to tough it out until lunch, but at 9 AM I had to eat something. I went downstairs to the donut shop to buy a 'tide-me-over' donut. They were completely out! They didn't even have the day-old variety. From the looks of things, they hadn't had donuts all morning, and they open at 7 AM. This week, my wife went to a juice shop a few minutes after they opened and asked for a drink with blended celery. They replied "Cannot, already finished." They had just opened and did not have one of the main ingredients for the majority of their drinks! Were they going to turn people away all day? Why would they even bother to open? Baffling. I fully expect that some day I will walk into a grocery store only to discover all of their shelves are empty....and they'll still have four cashiers, three shopping cart attendants, and twelve stockers on duty. (They are already routinely out of stock of basic things we buy like diapers and cilantro).
3) Credit cards. I have a good relationship with my American Express card. It never rejects me. It gives me points I use to buy presents. In return, I use it a lot. Anywhere I see the American Express card sign, I use my card. At two different stores - one for clothes, one for booze - I saw the AMEX symbol at the cashier counter and on one of the credit card machines. I hand my card to the cashier. At the clothing store, the cashier smiled and replied: "Cannot. Visa only." I point to the symbol on her cash register, and on the credit card machine. She smiles and repeats: "Visa only." The booze store was worse. Their reply: "Cash only." I point out the fact that, in addition to the AMEX card, they also advertise they accept Visa, MasterCard, DinersClub and cards from two local banks. "Cash only."
Despite the frustration, you have to love Jakarta. Where else in the world will you see a construction worker standing in the middle of the cement he's mixing while one coworker sleeps in the branches of a nearby tree and another urinates into the open trench with the live electrical wire? It would all be so comical if it weren't so true.
And, really, it's these idiosyncrasies that give Jakarta its charm. It's the ability to complain about what doesn't work that binds the expat community together. And isn't that the best way to make enduring friendships; by sharing in each other's misery?
From rolling blackouts, to pest extermination that seems to attract bugs more than it repels them. From sporadic internet access to doctors who know less about medicine than the average Westerner. It seems there is always something wrong in Indonesia. A few of the more annoying/humorous:
1) We can never buy new shoes. I read a human interest story a few years back about a high school kid who was so large there were no commercially available cleats for him. He was playing defensive lineman, and performing quite well, in traditional cross-trainers because not only could he not buy cleats in a store, no one would custom make shoes for him. At the time, I sympathized with him. Now I can empathize with him. Shoe stores in Jakarta never have my size! One time, I selected a shoe, asked for size 10 1/2 and the guy brought me back a size 8. Because surely, in the time between me asking for a 10 1/2 and the time he came back with a size 8, my toes fell off and I no longer needed the extra 2 inches. Last week, I wanted to buy new shoes for soccer. I selected 7 different styles to try on. They didn't have my size in any of them. And don't get me started on what they have available in jeans.
2) Restaurants run out of food. This has happened so many times you eventually get used to it. On one of my first trips to Jakarta, before we were even considering moving here, I ordered spaghetti at a restaurant. They brought the food for my friend before telling us they were out of what I had ordered. I thought that was odd. It doesn't come close to some of our experiences after moving here. Three weeks ago, I did not have a breakfast to bring to work. I tried to tough it out until lunch, but at 9 AM I had to eat something. I went downstairs to the donut shop to buy a 'tide-me-over' donut. They were completely out! They didn't even have the day-old variety. From the looks of things, they hadn't had donuts all morning, and they open at 7 AM. This week, my wife went to a juice shop a few minutes after they opened and asked for a drink with blended celery. They replied "Cannot, already finished." They had just opened and did not have one of the main ingredients for the majority of their drinks! Were they going to turn people away all day? Why would they even bother to open? Baffling. I fully expect that some day I will walk into a grocery store only to discover all of their shelves are empty....and they'll still have four cashiers, three shopping cart attendants, and twelve stockers on duty. (They are already routinely out of stock of basic things we buy like diapers and cilantro).
3) Credit cards. I have a good relationship with my American Express card. It never rejects me. It gives me points I use to buy presents. In return, I use it a lot. Anywhere I see the American Express card sign, I use my card. At two different stores - one for clothes, one for booze - I saw the AMEX symbol at the cashier counter and on one of the credit card machines. I hand my card to the cashier. At the clothing store, the cashier smiled and replied: "Cannot. Visa only." I point to the symbol on her cash register, and on the credit card machine. She smiles and repeats: "Visa only." The booze store was worse. Their reply: "Cash only." I point out the fact that, in addition to the AMEX card, they also advertise they accept Visa, MasterCard, DinersClub and cards from two local banks. "Cash only."
Despite the frustration, you have to love Jakarta. Where else in the world will you see a construction worker standing in the middle of the cement he's mixing while one coworker sleeps in the branches of a nearby tree and another urinates into the open trench with the live electrical wire? It would all be so comical if it weren't so true.
And, really, it's these idiosyncrasies that give Jakarta its charm. It's the ability to complain about what doesn't work that binds the expat community together. And isn't that the best way to make enduring friendships; by sharing in each other's misery?
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