Signing the CLA

Today was the event I bought a suit for on Saturday. Indulge me as I give more information than you are probably interested in....

I woke up at 4:30 AM. Just kidding!

The invitation said the event started at 10 AM at the Hotel Gran Melia. At 9 AM I called my admin to find out if that meant they wanted us to arrive at 10 AM, or if the event started at ten so I needed to be there before then. I also wanted to know when I should leave the office to make it there in time. She didn't know, so she said she would find out and call me back. A few minutes later she called to inform me that the executives would be leaving the office between 9 and 9:30, so I should leave about 9:15.

I left at 9:15 and arrived at 9:30. I checked in with registration and, after looking over the list three times while I stood there wondering if I had forgotten to RSVP or perhaps was not actually invited, they directed me to my table. I looked at the list and saw I was one of four names at the table and that the other tables all had 10-12 names. Great. The reject table.

I enter the ballroom to discover I'm the only one there. Great, the loser who arrives first while the host is still setting up. I find a seat - well, actually I just chose one, finding was easy - at my assigned table and a waiter immediately brought me some Indonesian delicacies: deep fried banana sprinkled with sharp cheese with a little chocolate syrup; a small, two-layered cake (chocolate and sponge) with a fruit jam middle; and a small quiche-like dish with ground beef and onions. They would have all fit on my passport. They also offered me a glass of guava juice, which I heartily drank.

By 9:40 I had consumed the feast and was now one of three people in the room. I took out my cell phone and started playing solitaire to kill time. Ten minutes later (after losing 4 straight hands), the room was filling. Entire tables were full - I was the only one at my table. Great, the "bule disease" had struck again.

At 9:55 I was still the only one at my table and I was beginning to consider quietly slipping out. I think one of our executives noticed me by myself because one of the organizers - a colleague - rescued me from my solitude and sat me at a new table. I no sooner took my seat when a waiter came by and presented me with another helping of the feast and another glass of guava juice. Score!

The program began at 10 AM - like last time, it was all in Indonesian. I picked up every 4th word this time. I think the first part was introductions, welcome and an agenda. I'm daydreaming about football -

(side note, I actually woke up in a panic from a dead sleep the other night because I dreamt I lost my Internet connection when it was my turn to pick in the third round of my online draft) -

when all of a sudden everyone in the room stands up. The person next to me, with whom I had conversed before the program started, said "National Anthem" in my direction. I stood up just in time for the entire room to begin singing the 7 minute long anthem. First, I did not expect a company function to begin with a national anthem, though I probably should have since government dignitaries were present. Second, had I known it would start that way, I would have assumed they would have played it on an instrument or had a professional singer lead them. Nope, the whole room (minus myself and a few other expats) belted out the anthem as if it were their favorite song in the world.

After the anthem a member of the labor union stood on the stage and gave a speech. My interpretation - take it for what it's worth - was that he was discussing the difficulties of the negotiations, praising both sides for compromises, and that he was happy with the result and the impact it would have on the union members. If I counted correctly, he said the words "krisis global" (global crisis) seven times.

His speech was followed by one from our President. My interpretation of his speech was that our company is a strong company, an asset to Indonesia, and is only as good as its people. He was glad to come to a mutually beneficial agreement with the labor union. He used the phrase "krisis global" ten times.

Following his speech was the actual signing of the contract. Eleven people stood on the stage to watch one person sign the contract. At least twenty photographers did a paparazzi imitation and snapped pictures at the rate of 40 per minute.

After the signing, I believe it was a representative of the government who gave the next speech. She was quite animated and received several good laughs from the crowd. Some were even genuine and sustained. Without truly understanding what she said - she spoke VERY fast - I could tell she was a skilled speaker. This is why I figured she was an elected official. She used the phrase "krisis global" nine times - twenty-six total for the group.

When she finished it was time for more pictures. First, all of the union representatives, about 30 people, clamored on stage for pictures. They all wore black suits. The only paid photographer at the event took one in the middle and one angled from each end. Then they had all of the "socializers" - a group of employees whose job it will be to go back to the rest of the employees and explain, promote and sell the agreement - came on stage for their group photo. They were all dressed in orange and brown batiks. There were about 40 of them. Next was senior management - all of the top people in our organization who had participated in the negotations - CAO, President, VP Government Relations, etc. They all looked like they do every day at work. About 25 in all. I began to wonder what those negotiating sessions were like.

Just when we thought all the pictures were done, the photographer wanted more. He had senior management stay where they were and brought up the union representatives. Then sent the union reps back to their seats and brought up the socializers. Then sent Sr. Management back to their seats and brought the union reps in to take their place with the socializers. I think everyone was glad it was finally over and time for lunch.

Before lunch could begin they had employees come up and lead the group in two prayers. The first was a christian prayer - obvious by the speaker making the sign of the cross before praying. The second was a Muslim prayer - obvious by the greeting "Salam a lekum" (I hope I spelled that right!).

When prayers completed, the fun began. Everyone stood up and scattered. I stood motionless in a stupor, not knowing the protocol. I looked for my table mates only to find they had left the building (I later discovered this was to smoke). I looked at the buffet line to my right to see if the executives had their lunch yet, and they were not even in line. People at other tables had food but I had no idea who they were. I looked to my left and the buffet was untouched and empty. I'm thinking "is that for specific people"? I finally walked over to another expat and asked if I was required to wait for anything. He said no, so I went over to the empty buffet to avoid the crowds.

I grab a plate and prepare to sample the feast. The first dish was a seafood and pasta dish. No go (allergies, for those who don't know). The second dish was prawns in red sauce. Third in line was baked salmon. Next was roast duck heart. Next was roasted chicken. I could see the last tray just held Nasi Putih (white rice), so I was hoping I could eat whatever was before it. Luckily, it was one of my favorites - Sapi Lada Hitam (black pepper beef). I filled my plate, added some salad and returned to my seat.

I had no sooner put fork to mouth when the Karaoke began. It was the government official singing an Indonesian song to much applause. For her second song she pulled in two poor saps who were standing nearby. The third song was an American tune I had heard but don't remember as I sit here typing. It was upbeat so one of the paid Karaoke singers (who were quite good) grabbed someone to dance with her.

I finished my lunch and headed for the dessert table. I'm ready to sample some new Indonesian treat. I find - deep fried bananas, two-layered cake, and these little gelatin cubes that everyone around here seems to like and I think taste like gooey air. Disappointed, I walk to the other end of the table and find sesame seed balls - something I tried and enjoyed at the cultural immersion class we took (that I just realized I never blogged about) - and a big, metal container packed in dried ice. There were a number of small bowls in front of it, and I'm thinking "woohoo! Ice cream!"

I lift the top and, sure enough, it's vanilla ice cream. I grab a bowl, scoop out a respectable amount, put two sesame seed balls on top and return to my seat. I pop the first sesame seed dessert into my mouth and notice it has a slightly different and not so pleasant taste than I had remembered. I figure I must have just grabbed a bad one, and at the other one. Same bad aftertaste. No problem, I have my vanilla ice cream to wash it down. I take a scoop, bring the spoon to my mouth - and then I notice it. The small of garbage. The distinct, unmistakable smell of that uniquely Indonesian, banned in 35 countries dessert: DURIAN!

Have you ever walked by the dumpster of a restaurant? Especially in summer. Bees are buzzing around attracted by the sweet yet pungent aroma of fermenting food. Then you've smelled Durian. It's called the "king of fruits", but I think that's only because they would feed it to their jesters as a joke.

I decided I would take this opportunity to sample it. Eating what I can only assume was a frozen, iced version of the fruit is not quite the same thing as eating the fruit itself, but I wasn't about to ask for the real deal when the frozen version was making my lips pull back and my eyes water. I had to try it, though. I've heard from everyone that no one likes the smell but many love the taste. Don't count me as a member of the group that loves the taste. It tastes like is smells.

I left shortly after tasting it so I could return to my office and the comforting taste of my cinnamon gum. Interesting morning.