New Rules

Spending the last few weeks basking in Americana reminded me of several rules I wish we could implement to the benefit of all.

1)  End Internet Anonymity.  I get that you enjoy your handle of 'IAmUrBoss'.  It expresses your, ahem, creativity and I'm all in favor of your First Amendment right to be a fool.  But anonymity has led to such hostility, incivility, and online fraud I think it must end.  How likely is someone to post racist comments in response to a news article if they knew people would know their real identity?  How much more successful would sites like eBay and Craigslist be if buyers had verified names and addresses of the sellers?  The First Amendment protects your right to be as hateful and idiotic as you choose.  I doubt our Founding Fathers had the cowardice of anonymity in mind when they fought for this right.

2)  Require Loud Music in Public Bathrooms.  I don't know when commercial designers deemed public bathrooms to be the place to escape from the hustle and bustle of America's fast-paced life.  Whenever it was, they should rewind the clock and start over.  Public bathrooms should inspire task-focused behavior - get in, get out - and a sense of urgency.  I propose loud music for two reasons.  First, playing Barry Manilow at top volume encourages everyone to make a hasty visit and clear the way for the next in line.  Second, it prevents others from hearing the cacophony of sounds that a porcelain bowl does a fine job of echoing and amplifying.  There are few things more muscle-tensing than washing your hands a few feet from a person struggling through the effects of a plate of bad oysters.

3)  Dress Codes in Grocery Stores.  I know it is hot in Arizona in August.  This summer has been especially brutal for everyone.  This doesn't mean that a triangle bikini top is now acceptable clothing for walking through the butcher's aisle at Safeway.  I don't care if you look like Jessica Alba or Jessica Tandy.  Let's leave the bikini tops for the pool, the beach, or the public park.  You don't see me wearing a tuxedo to a pool party.  And to that guy standing next to his broken down car on the 202 wearing nothing but sandals and jean-shorts cut to his hip joint - that's not appropriate under any circumstances.  Ever.  Not even in the privacy of your own home.

4)  Require News to be Newsworthy.  Remember when the news discussed wars, major cultural events, and important community events affecting schools and quality of life?  If you do you are probably over the age of thirty.  Those stories are gone.  Instead, we have every news station in Phoenix reporting on a YouTube video containing closed circuit video from a London hotel of a man so drunk he couldn't walk and did several face-plants stumbling down the stairs.  Or we hear about yet another actor arrested for heroin possession.  Neither of these topics are important.  Both of these topics drew eyeballs, which attracts advertisers, which generates money for the news shows, which encourages them to deliver more stories like these.  When did all news go tabloid?  Enquiring minds want to know.

5)  Change the Question on the Ballot Form.  During elections, we're asked a very simple question:  "Who do you cast your vote for the position of _____?"  I think we should change the question to:  "For the next 4 years, to whom do you entrust the economic viability of the United States?"  The results would be quite different, I imagine.

6)  Hold Ratings Agency Accountable for their Opinions.  The major ratings agencies - Moody's and the S&P - the same agencies that rated mortgage backed securities as AAA (a rating that means "no risk") and just downgraded US Treasuries to AA+, are duplicitous.  On the one hand, they boast that their ratings provide an accurate picture of the health of a particular investment vehicle.  They discourage investors from buying anything that does not have a credit rating.  Then, when they completely blow it, like they did with mortgage backed securities, they shirk responsibility and culpability by invoking their First Amendment right to have an opinion.  "Our rating is just our opinion and should not be taken as fact".  This is a quote from the CEO of the S&P when under questioning before the Congressional Finance Committee.  Well, given the opinion they had of mortgage backed securities, I guess we know how accurate their assessment of US Treasuries is.

What rules would you implement?