I'm not a feminist. Far from it. I'm more likely to file a petition to cancel Title IX or picket the offices of the NOW than I am to lend my voice to support them. However, I'm also the son, brother, cousin, nephew, grandson, colleague, and friend of remarkable women who make tremendous contributions to their craft, their families, and their communities. I can't imagine what a world would be like if they did not have their opportunities to shine.
And that's one of the things that makes life here a challenge. Women are second class citizens, and my daughter sees it. Now, I won't lie and say that, as a man, being in a patriarchal society doesn't have its advantages. It does. But I also have concerns. To wit:
1) After our first year, when we were discussing school with our daughter, we said she would attend elementary school, then middle school, then high school, then college and then she'd find a job. She replied: "Women don't work!" We laughed and said "from the mouths of babes", but also took note. Both in Arizona and in Jakarta, all of her friends had stay-at-home moms. Nothing wrong with that, obviously, because we've chosen to do that. But it was an interesting perspective.
2) Last week, my daughter started taking the bus to school. I told her to enjoy it while she could because when we return to Arizona, she'll be walking to school. She replied: "I don't have to go to school in Arizona." I said: "It's the law. If I don't send you to school, they come and throw me in jail. And if I am not going to work because I'm in jail, who will earn money so we can eat?" Her reply? "When I'm old enough, my husband will work and he can pay!" I'd like to blame the Disney Princesses, but it's not them. It's what she sees.
So, what's a father to do? In a world where all my daughter sees are women who are stay-at-home moms, nannies, maids, or teachers, how can I convince her she has other options for which she must prepare?
And that's one of the things that makes life here a challenge. Women are second class citizens, and my daughter sees it. Now, I won't lie and say that, as a man, being in a patriarchal society doesn't have its advantages. It does. But I also have concerns. To wit:
1) After our first year, when we were discussing school with our daughter, we said she would attend elementary school, then middle school, then high school, then college and then she'd find a job. She replied: "Women don't work!" We laughed and said "from the mouths of babes", but also took note. Both in Arizona and in Jakarta, all of her friends had stay-at-home moms. Nothing wrong with that, obviously, because we've chosen to do that. But it was an interesting perspective.
2) Last week, my daughter started taking the bus to school. I told her to enjoy it while she could because when we return to Arizona, she'll be walking to school. She replied: "I don't have to go to school in Arizona." I said: "It's the law. If I don't send you to school, they come and throw me in jail. And if I am not going to work because I'm in jail, who will earn money so we can eat?" Her reply? "When I'm old enough, my husband will work and he can pay!" I'd like to blame the Disney Princesses, but it's not them. It's what she sees.
So, what's a father to do? In a world where all my daughter sees are women who are stay-at-home moms, nannies, maids, or teachers, how can I convince her she has other options for which she must prepare?
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1 comment:
Make her work with me when you come back to AZ. :-) Or send her to MI to work w/Gma!
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